When the Voice Saying You Are Not Enough Is Not Yours: How Inherited Beliefs Shape High Functioning Anxiety

There is a quiet moment many women experience, especially those who appear outwardly confident and capable. It often happens in the stillness before the day begins or in the pause after a meeting where you carried the room. For a brief second you expect to feel grounded or proud, yet a familiar internal voice rises instead and tells you that you should have done more. You should have been calmer, clearer, stronger or somehow better.

Most women assume this voice is their own. They believe it is a personal flaw or a sign that they have not yet evolved into the version of themselves they hoped to be. Yet in so many of the women I work with, this voice did not originate inside them. It was taught. It was absorbed. It was inherited long before they had the ability to question whether it was true. Click here to download a free guide to unlock your peace.

As children, we learn who we are by watching the people around us. The tone a parent uses when they are stressed. The way a caregiver speaks about themselves. The expectations that sit unspoken in the air. A family culture that values achievement over rest or emotional strength over vulnerability becomes the blueprint for how a young nervous system learns to survive. Those early experiences sink into the subconscious and quietly shape the stories we tell ourselves in adulthood.

This is where many high achieving women begin to live with a subtle but persistent feeling of not enoughness. Not because it reflects their ability, but because it reflects the emotional world they grew up in. When approval was scarce or inconsistent, the nervous system learns to work hard for it. When anger or criticism felt unpredictable, the nervous system learns to monitor, anticipate and stay one step ahead. When worth was never clearly mirrored back, the nervous system searches for it through achievement or perfectionism.

These patterns feel like personality traits, but they were built for emotional safety. They are intelligent adaptations, not evidence of inadequacy. They explain why so many women excel professionally yet privately feel the pressure to keep proving themselves. They explain why inner criticism feels automatic even when life looks successful from the outside. And they explain why slowing down or saying no can feel uncomfortable even when you are exhausted.

One of the most important moments in this work is recognising that the internal voice you battle with is not a personal truth. It is a reflection of the emotional environment you were raised in. Once you see this, the tone of the voice begins to shift. Instead of feeling like an inner authority, it becomes something more neutral, something that can be observed with curiosity rather than fear.

From this place, it becomes possible to ask questions such as: Does this belief belong to me or to someone who shaped me? Is this expectation aligned with who I am now or with who I needed to be in childhood? What happens when I no longer follow this inherited rule? Click here to know if you have high functioning anxiety.

This awareness creates space for change. The body begins to relax as it learns that it no longer needs to uphold old patterns to stay safe. The mind becomes steadier as it develops its own, more compassionate inner language. And the woman you are today can start choosing her values rather than living according to the ones she absorbed.

This is the heart of the transformation I guide women through. We work with the nervous system, the subconscious and the deep emotional imprints that were formed years ago but still feel current. When these roots shift, the surface behaviours shift naturally. Rest becomes possible. Boundaries become clearer. Self trust grows. The internal pressure softens because the woman no longer believes she must perform for worth or approval.

When the voice telling you that you are not enough begins to lose its power, what emerges is the truth of who you have always been. Someone capable. Someone intelligent. Someone who no longer needs to hold herself to impossible standards just to feel safe.

If this resonates and you recognise yourself in these patterns, I want you to know that transformation like this doesn't happen in isolation. It requires the right kind of support, the right tools, and a safe space to unravel what's been holding you in place for so long.

This is exactly why I created The Calm Collective — a 6-month therapeutic sanctuary for high-achieving women who are ready to stop living from inherited pressure and start feeling genuinely calm, confident, and enough. Inside, we work directly with your nervous system and subconscious patterns using my signature Freedom Formula™, blending root-cause hypnotherapy, somatic regulation, and expert coaching.

You'll be held in a trauma-informed space alongside women who deeply understand what it's like to look successful on the outside whilst feeling exhausted on the inside.

This isn't about managing symptoms or learning to cope better, it's about rewiring the very foundations that keep you stuck.

If you're ready to finally exhale and reclaim yourself, DM me 'CALM'  to join us.

The Calm Collective is now open, and I'd be honoured to support you.

Emma Draycott Anxiety and Burnout Hyppnotherapist