- 3 days ago
- 5 min read
There’s a particular kind of tiredness that doesn’t go away with a good night’s sleep. The kind that comes from carrying too much, for too long.
You know the one.
Your calendar is full, your inbox doesn’t stop, and by the time the evening rolls around, you’re still working. You’re clearing up loose ends, replying to just one more message, and mentally preparing yourself for what tomorrow’s going to ask of you.
And even when you know you're running on empty, you still say yes. Yes to the last-minute meeting, yes to taking something off someone else’s plate, yes to staying late to make sure everything’s perfect. And on the outside, it looks like competence. It looks like reliability.
But on the inside, there’s often a quiet undercurrent of resentment or emotional exhaustion.
Not because you don’t care, but because you’ve been caring past your capacity for far too long.
If this is resonating, i want you to know that this is not a time management issue. It’s not that you need to be more assertive or plan better or try harder to “set boundaries.” What’s actually happening is rooted in something deeper. It’s your nervous system doing what it’s learned to do in order to keep you safe.
It’s called the fawn response, and understanding it might be the thing that helps you finally stop pushing yourself past your edge.
So what is the fawn response, and why does it matter?
Most people have heard of fight or flight. Some are familiar with freeze. But there’s another survival response that often goes unnoticed especially in women who are high-functioning, empathetic, and used to holding it all together.
Fawning is what happens when your nervous system chooses appeasement as the safest way forward. Instead of fighting back or running away, you try to stay safe by being helpful, agreeable, accommodating. You over-function so that nothing threatens your belonging, your reputation, or your perceived value.
It’s the part of you that says yes to avoid conflict. That takes on more to avoid being judged. That works twice as hard to protect your role, your relationships, or your sense of being “good enough.” It’s not a weakness. It’s a pattern your body learned to use in moments when it felt unsafe to say no.
For many of the clients I work with, emotionally intelligent women in demanding roles this response is so well-practised that it looks like the way they work. But underneath the polished surface, it often feels like self-abandonment. It looks like people-pleasing, but it’s driven by a fear that saying no will lead to something worse: rejection, judgment, or losing the place you’ve worked hard to hold.
What does fawning look like in everyday life?
It’s easy to dismiss this as something that only happens in extreme situations, but the reality is that many women live in a low-level fawn state every single day, especially in professional environments where there’s pressure to perform, hold it all together, and never let anyone see you struggle. Click here to gain access to a free resource that will allow you reclaim your peace.
You might find yourself taking on extra work because you don’t want to be seen as difficult.
You over-prepare, double-check, or jump in to fix things, even when it’s not really your responsibility. You might notice that you feel uncomfortable setting boundaries, or you say yes in the moment only to regret it later. You may even catch yourself apologising unnecessarily, or worrying more about how others are feeling than checking in with your own capacity.
Your body has adapted to a system where overgiving feels safer than disappointing someone. Where being liked feels necessary for security. Where saying no feels like a risk, even if it’s a small one.
Why saying “no” doesn’t always work
You’ve probably tried to set boundaries. You’ve read the articles. You know the language. Maybe you’ve even been to therapy or coaching and worked through your scripts. But in the moment, something happens. You feel guilty. You second-guess yourself. You end up backtracking and doing the thing anyway, even though you promised yourself you wouldn’t.
That doesn’t mean you’re not trying hard enough. It just means your nervous system hasn’t caught up yet.
Fawning is not a mindset issue. It’s a regulation issue. And until your body genuinely feels safe to say no, it will keep choosing yes, even when you’re aware that it’s not good for you. This is why so many women find themselves stuck in patterns they can name, but can’t seem to change.
This isn’t your fault, but it is your opportunity
The good news is that this response can be rewired. Your nervous system isn’t fixed. It’s adaptive. Which means that with the right support and tools, you can begin to create a felt sense of safety that doesn’t require you to over-function in order to feel okay.
Inside The Calm Collective or in my 1-1 signature support this is where we often start work through The Freedom Formula™, this is where we begin. Not with surface-level boundaries or time hacks, but with helping your system shift out of survival mode.
We build the internal safety that helps you tolerate the discomfort of saying no. We gently work with the belief that you have to earn your worth through performance or perfectionism. And we rebuild your connection to your own needs, so you can make decisions from self-trust, not self-protection.
This isn’t about doing less just for the sake of it. It’s about no longer doing things that are misaligned, exhausting, or coming from fear.
A few questions to reflect on this week
You don’t have to change everything overnight. But awareness opens the door to change. So if you want to begin, here are a few gentle prompts you can explore in your journal or simply reflect on during the day:
Where am I saying yes out of fear, not alignment?
What am I afraid might happen if I said no?
What would a small act of self-loyalty look like for me this week?
Let these questions be invitations, not expectations.
And if you're ready to go deeper, to move beyond coping and into true freedom where you feel calm, in control, fully emotionally resourced and, that’s the work we do inside The Calm Collective and in my signature 1-1 programme The Freedom Formula™.
You deserve success that doesn’t cost you your well-being.
You deserve calm that doesn’t come at the expense of your ambition.
You deserve to feel safe in your own success.
If you’re ready to feel held, grounded, and free
Book your free Freedom Consultation here. This is where things begin to shift.
Emma Draycott Anxiety and Burnout Freedom Hynotherapist
